Tween Self Esteem Exercise

My daughter was having one of those days where she just seemed off. She struggled more than usual with things, wasnt making the right choices and I could tell she had a dark cloud glooming around her. When I laid down on her bed for a chat it broke my heart to hear old insecurities had crept back into her mind. The way she was speaking about herself saddened me and for a child that speaks so beautifully of others, I wanted to bring the sunshine back into her mind and scare away those clouds. We chatted about the way our brain works and when the mean voice creeps into your mind and tries to cause you to doubt yourself,  it is totally OK to tell it to SHUT UP! We also talked about looking for evidence against the mean voice and to bring a good case to the mind court, breaking it down one rebuttal at a time. When we were discussing self esteem and the importance of self love as well as healthy self talk she continually asked how I did it so well, and how was I so good at everything I told her "GIRL Mama's just winging it and taking life as it comes" but I could tell she didn't believe me.

How did she see so much good in others and yet so critical of herself?!

Unfortunately our time was cut short as Vance decided he was starving to death and needed a feed right NOW.  I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt walking away from her in such a vulnerable state - especially when she was being so open and honest. Both girls have been so understanding of Vance's needs, but this was one time she really needed me. I wanted to do a self esteem activity with her and usually I would write affirmations on her mirror for her to practice or something similar but bound to the couch with a baby on my boob I had to get thinking. I needed something that made her self reflect, boost her confidence and see that no one is perfect! I had a look online and found the Dove self esteem toolkit that had the 'mutual compliment challenge' - it was perfect! She saw so much good in me, I just needed to show her how to see it in herself. (side note, i just looked at the images, and didn't read the instructions so I could be missing a step or 5)

She grabbed me some paper and I used my mama juggling skills to write out four pages. Two with 'Me' and one with 'My mum' and 'My girl'. On the 'My mum' and 'My girl' pages we wrote 5 compliments about each other. She asked me "Do I have to only do 5, I have 7... " It just showed how much she saw the good in people. I thought it was important to keep it to 5 so no comparison could be made. We then wrote 5 things we loved about ourselves. She was stuck on three. I could see how down she was feeling so I applied a bit of pressure. "Hurry up.... 1 minute to go" I know the abundance of amazingness inside of her she just needed a little push to shut up that voice and write them out. We read them aloud to each other and slowly I saw a little sparkle come back in her eye. Hearing these positive things about herself, made her feel good about herself and giving compliments to me, and seeing how her kind words brought me happiness, made her again feel good about herself. It also allowed me to model good self esteem with saying what I loved about myself - even if i secretly questioned myself from time to time.

After doing some more research I'm going to do a self esteem check up to see where she is and as we continue to work on it, continue these check ups to ensure she's improving. After all she has so much goodness inside of her, once she see's it... how could it not?!

I will share anymore resources I create/come across and if you have any tips etc please share. I'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes. It made a huge influence on the way I saw 'misbehaviour and discipline'