The 28 Effect

Balloons from my bestie

Something happened 218 days ago. For most people it would have been any other Tuesday. For myself and those close to me, it was a celebration of my 28th year earth side. I didn't know it at the time, but things were about to change. I had been living the life of someone in their 30's for almost 10 years. Most people fear the big Three - Zero, however I was welcoming it with open arms. Excited with every day I got closer, that I would finally be acting my age. For me, 28 meant I was closer than ever and this got me excited!

Birthday Snuggles with our new rescue kitty

27 was definitely a year of "lessons". I learnt a lot about myself and what I accept. I guess it seems normal to grow when we learn, however previously I had just asked "Why me?" One day my 'inner self' was an anxious door mat, desperate for approval from others. Seemingly over night she graduated to a kind, caring, independent woman that accepted nothing less than she deserved. Something that would of previously upset me and effect me negatively I would of tried to resist. I had moved on from that fight or flight instinct and progressed to 'zen'. What use to be a trigger no longer fazed me, in fact I had accidentally found peace. I can't pin point any one moment where I changed. But I know it was some time around turning 28. I don't know how I trained my inner bitch to calm her farm, but some how she was on my side rallying behind me and it was amazing.

My cousin and I went to Justin Bieber concert for
my birthday. This is the best pic we got lol

I've always been a reactive, emotional person. I would be so easily hurt with my heart on my sleeve and I allowed others to take advantage of me, in fact I almost asked them to. At night in bed I'd think to myself why I allowed such behaviour and my inner voice would say things like "you are so pathetic, no one will ever like someone who does blah blah blah" and I accepted this and feel asleep with these words echoing inside my head. I accepted that I was an anxious person and even tried medication to quiet her as she fuelled my insecurities.

Hubby and I went and did a room escape. So fun!

One day I was giving advice to a loved one about her anxiety and it just dawned on me, I am not anxiety, I sometimes have anxiety, but I will not be defined by an emotion or state of mind. I some how talked myself off the ledge of the dark panic of doom and felt myself surrounded by love, but not just any love.... it was self love. It was like like I had finally proven to myself that I WAS a good person, in fact I LIKED the person I was. I was PROUD of the mother I am. I knew in my heart I was a GOOD wife. I worked HARD at my job and I was a VALUABLE employee. All words I had never honestly used to describe myself. I now use words like strong and funny... loyal and caring and I'm not embarrassed to say it. I don't know if I finally finished going through puberty lol or if I had just reached a line in the sand I never knew was drawn. But I am so happy and have never been more at peace. I finally don't want to rush into my 30's, I'm perfectly OK with where I am right NOW.